The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
