home. puking in laundry basket.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
