it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
