I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
