please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
