What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
