So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
