waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
