Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
