Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
