i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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