Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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