is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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