P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
