Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
