He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
