he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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