my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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