I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
