There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
