Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
