do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
