It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
