I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
