my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
