he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
