i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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