So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
