3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got chris browned last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
