11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
