i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
