Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
