i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
