I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
