I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
