i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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