I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
