i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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