I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
