Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
