even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
