we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
