I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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