the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
