you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
