No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
