Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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