I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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