there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
