Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
