i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
